


Let me at least have nice dreams (and I'll give you everything you need)

by buzzbug82



Category: Running Man RPF
Genre: Canon Related, Drama, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Humor, M/M, Romance, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 18:55:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5676904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buzzbug82/pseuds/buzzbug82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Between the both of them, he was usually the one who was more emotional and full with insecurities. To a person like him, Kim Jong Kook is the definition of confidence and safe—the unbreakable hero with a strength that comes from kindness—</p><p>[inspired by episode 279 - 2016 Luck Battle]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let me at least have nice dreams (and I'll give you everything you need)

**Author's Note:**

> My New Year present for the kooksoo fandom as I'm leaving all fandoms for the time being because of life (blergh). Lyrics from "Roses" by The Chainsmokers.

 

-

**Taking it slow**

**But it’s not typical**

**He already knows that my love is fire**

**His heart was a stone**

-

 

 

 

 

It was past midnight and Kwang Soo could feel his whole body screaming for a break. He could faintly picture the soft bed in his house, with the warm cover and exquisite pillows that was specially handpicked by his mother who wanted her darling boy to have a good night sleep after a day of hard work. He arrived at the apartment complex, jumped out of the car and entered the safety code to his door.

 

 

Kwang Soo sighed in relief when the slow elevator finally made it to his floor, and he picked up his bag and got out, only to be surprise at what—or rather whom—he found in front of his doorstep.

 

 

“Jong Kook-hyung?” He uttered in disbelief. Jong Kook who seemed almost dozed off, jerked away from the wall in his half-asleep state and smiled softly at the tall man. He still looked put together, complete with dark blue button up blazer; but there were bags under his eyes that almost looked like bruises, and Kwang Soo squirmed uneasily.

 

 

“Hi, Kwang Soo-yah.” His voice was barely above whisper. “Sorry, I wanted to wait for you inside, but it seems like you changed the code again.”

 

 

Kwang Soo nodded slowly. “Yeah, Jae Suk-hyung and Suk Jin-hyung came over again last week when I was not at home to play video games, it gets a bit annoying,” He stared at him in confusion when Jong Kook let out an amused snort. “You should have call. How long have you been waiting out here?”

 

 

“Not long, I came here straight from the event,” Jong Kook dusts off his pants and took the two big plastic bags with container that he put on the floor. “Maybe we need to reheat this, though?”

 

 

“That event that you…” A sudden realization came upon Kwang Soo. “You’ve been out here for four hours!?” Their three-way phone call that morning with Jae Suk and Haha when they were getting ready in the make-up room with Kwang Hee for “Infinite Challenge” already informed him about Jong Kook’s schedule to attend the music event. He himself was on his way to the studio for script reading.

 

 

“Huh,” Jong Kook shrugged. “Doesn’t seem that long to me,”

 

 

Kwang Soo frowned, quickly taking the plastic bags from his hyung’s hand and punched in the code to open the door. He hastily pulled Jong Kook’s arm and ushered him inside. Jong Kook seemed grateful to finally be able to get out of the cold hallway and kicked off his shoes and went straight to the leather couch.

 

 

Kwang Soo ignored the mess their shoes made at the front door and went to set up the plastic bags filled with takeout food to the kitchen island. He cast a worried glance at Jong Kook, hoping he didn’t get sick for sitting at the hard floor in the hallway for hours.

 

 

“Why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll reheat the food?”

 

 

Jong Kook seemed as if he doesn’t hear him, his eyes are dazed and for a moment Kwang Soo thought about snapping his fingers in front of Jong Kook. But then the elder man nodded slowly and peeled off the blazer and shirt that he has been wearing, leaving them on Kwang Soo’s couch and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

 

 

Kwang Soo sighed and took out a container, doesn’t care about the kind of food and put it into the microwave before pushing the button. He leaned heavily on the counter, listening intently to the sound of shower in the bathroom.

 

 

Somehow it calmed him.

 

 

While waiting for the food in the microwave, he went into the room and prepared the spare clothes for his hyung while at the same time making sure that the room was warm enough. Walking back to the kitchen, he made himself busy by making a pot of tea and getting the cutleries and napkins, taking out the newly-heated food and serving them on plates before setting them at the low table in the living room.

 

 

The television was turned on and he let the screen showing a mindless and comedic drama that he couldn’t recall ever watched. As far as experience went, both of them wouldn’t even remember what they were watching the next morning anyway.

 

 

Jong Kook had come out from the bathroom, gone straight to the bedroom to put on clothes that he knew would have been laid out by the younger man and walked out with Kwang Soo’s black shirt that was too tight on the shoulder and a pair of light short, looking loose and comfortable; his stiffened shoulders slackened the moment his eyes fell on Kwang Soo.

 

 

When Kwang Soo came back to the living room after taking his time in the shower, Jong Kook had already dozed off, his cup of lukewarm tea was only half empty and the food was untouched.

 

 

The only light and sound that filled the small apartment came from the television; now showing a rerun of an old romantic drama.

 

 

Kwang Soo would have leave his hyung sleeping as he knew that the elder needs it—Jong Kook wouldn’t admit it but he was pushing himself with his album and acting and variety shows and Kwang Soo didn’t point it out because Jong Kook loved his job and it would take desperate measure to make him stay still for a moment—however Jong Kook would be angry if he knew Kwang Soo let him sleep on the couch because it’s bad for his back.

 

 

And surely his hyung haven’t had dinner yet.

 

 

Biting his lips, he contemplated the pros and cons of waking up Jong Kook for a bite of food; he would have to stay up the whole night because Jong Kook-hyung wouldn’t sleep for at least two to three hours after dinner and he was looking forward to have his much-needed sleep.

 

 

But his dilemma was cut short when Jong Kook stirred from his slumber and blinked up at him with his crescent moon eyes. Kwang Soo sucked in a breath, not realizing that Jong Kook did the same.

 

 

“Oh, you finish your shower?” Jong Kook smiled and sat up, massaging his shoulder lightly. “What time is it?”

 

 

Kwang Soo took a seat beside Jong Kook, his eyes wandered to the messy bangs with faded highlights. His head was spinning and he swallowed loudly. “I think it’s nearly 11,” he tore his sights away and handed Jong Kook a pair of chopsticks. “I know you don’t like to eat at midnight, but I think you can make an exception this time.”

 

 

Jong Kook immediately agreed. “I am hungry,” but then he smirked at Kwang Soo. “And now we have to stay up late and probably go for a jog at 4 in the morning,”

 

 

Kwang Soo groaned and glared at Jong Kook. “I am not going jogging at 4 in the morning and nothing you say is going to change my mind,”

 

 

Jong Kook took a bite of food, humming in satisfaction and picking another bite and waved it in front of Kwang Soo. “Even if I promise I’ll introduce you to my dongsaeng in the music production that I’m sure you’ll like?”

 

 

Kwang Soo narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Jong Kookie had never offered to introduce him to his dongsaengs before. “How much likeness are we talking here?”

 

 

“Well, she’s very cute, two years younger than you, and whom I’m sure would like you too since I talked you up to her.”

 

 

Kwang Soo thought for a moment, staring at the bit of food at the end of Jong Kook’s chopsticks before he opened his mouth and let Jong Kook fed him. “Deal,”

 

 

There was a slight change of expression on Jong Kook-hyung’s handsome face—a little melancholy and disappointed—before they were gone in the blink of an eye and then Jong Kook continued eating, turning his attention to the television.

 

 

Kwang Soo picked up his own plate and started eating too, but somehow he couldn’t concentrate on the television. His heart felt wild and his mind was restless, like a tornado in the calm, deserted island. It was confusing; because he was sure he was ready to pass out earlier.

 

 

“So you have a day off tomorrow?” Kwang Soo asked. Usually he would be content with the familiar, intimate silence between them, but Kwang Soo couldn’t stand the deafening quietness; he needed to speak to Jong Kook, to hear his gentle voice and to have the man’s attention on him. He was never a great talker, he listens well; but Jong Kook is good at talking, though half the time it was just nagging.

 

 

Absentmindedly, Jong Kook nodded his head.

 

 

“Please don’t tell me you only have a day off because your manager told you to,” Kwang Soo was already aware the answer to that. “Your stubbornness wouldn’t do you good if you collapse in the middle of filming,”

 

 

Jong Kook snorted and put down his plate, amused. “Yah, don’t act as if you’re not as workaholic as I am,” he perched his arms on his knees. “Who reminded you to eat and stopped by the pharmacy to buy you aspirin when you had migraine at the group interview?”

 

 

“Okay—that’s not fair, it was in the middle of the summer—“

 

 

“And I didn’t stop you because I know how much you love your jobs and you know how much I love mine,”

 

 

“But I know my limit, hyung however, does not.”

 

 

At that remark they glared at each other but Jong Kook knew Kwang Soo was right and opted to just go with it. “Okay, fine, Gap Jin arranged a day off for me. Yah, why do you sound like you don’t like me coming here?”

 

 

“Ehh—what are you talking about?”

 

 

“And I even brought your favourite food from your favourite takeout restaurant, if you don’t want me here you can just say it,” Jong Kook was already standing up, getting ready to leave—his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance.

 

 

Kwang Soo quickly pulled the elder back by his arm until he was seating again. Jong Kook wouldn’t actually leave, his threat was just for a show; but Kwang Soo couldn’t help but think how small-hearted his hyung can be sometimes.

 

 

“Aish, hyung, who said I don’t like you coming over? Don’t be ridiculous,” he rubbed Jong Kook’s bicep briefly before running his hand down to Jong Kook’s wrist; and as expected Jong Kook naturally laced his fingers along Kwang Soo’s longer ones, squeezing firmly.

 

 

Jong Kook cursed under his breath and muttered how Kwang Soo was good at angering him and calming him at the same time. Kwang Soo took that as a compliment.

 

 

“You have a day off too, right? Or you already have plans that I don’t know about?”

 

 

His thought went to his best friend Joong Ki who was still busy with his crazy filming schedules. Worriedly, he hoped Joong Ki was getting a nice dinner and a good night sleep. Maybe he should call him later. “No, I’m free,” he shook his head. They let go of each other’s hands so they could continue eating.

 

 

“Well, that’s what I’m worried about,”

 

 

Kwang Soo stopped picking on his food, looking up from the plate towards Jong Kook who still had his eyes fixed on the muttering television, though his gazes were as blank as he looked. “What? What do you mean?”

 

 

Slowly, Jong Kook turned his head to stare at him and raised an eyebrow knowingly.

 

 

Kwang Soo’s face immediately grew hot; he sheepishly rearranged the cutleries and poured another cup of tea for both of them.

 

 

Yes, he acknowledged that he had been calling Jong Kook in the middle of the night and during breaks for seven days straight in a week and Jong Kook (bless his soul) had patiently picked up all his calls without fail and never even pressured him _what’s wrong_. Instead Jong Kook asked about his day, telling him about his work, planning for a meeting and reminding him to hit the gym.

 

 

Kwang Soo ducked his head, mumbling to the floor. “I didn’t realize it was bothering you so much,”

 

 

“If it bothers me I would have told you to stop, but I didn’t,” Jong Kook sounded so gentle, it actually made him felt guiltier.

 

 

“That’s because hyung is a kind and warm-hearted person—”

 

 

“Everyone feels lonely every once in a while, it’s okay; don’t think too much about it.”

 

 

Kwang Soo bit the inside of his mouth, pouting. “I’m not lonely…”

 

 

A warm, calloused hand found itself on the back of Kwang Soo’s neck, pressing lightly in reassurance, like a root of lifeline that was willing to share his burden, his feelings, comes good and bad.

 

 

“That’s why you got me,”

 

 

The younger man turned to his side to glance at Jong Kook who was grinning at him with such honesty and affection and Kwang Soo wondered how he was taller than Jong Kook but he had to _look up_ to see Jong Kook, like a sunflower looking up at the sun.

 

 

“That’s why _I have hyung_ ,”

 

 

Jong Kook seemed satisfied with his statement and he let go; his hand lingering over Kwang Soo’s shoulder before he dropped it back to his right knee.

 

 

They started talking about the drama on the television as they finished their dinner.

 

 

“Are you really thinking about getting married in two years?” Kwang Soo picked up the dishes and went to put them in the dishwasher, avoiding eye contacts with the elder. He could feel Jong Kook’s disapproving eyes fixed on his back. His hyung avoided that subject many times before and stop talking about it a long time ago. And to think they used to talk about marriages all the time.

 

 

“I think so, Jae Suk-hyung and Tae Hyun wouldn’t shut up about it,” Jong Kook sighed in defeat. Kwang Soo had to smile at that; both of them were just worried about Jong Kook and somehow he could relate with them. But his worry was not enough to urge Jong Kook to get married fast.

 

 

There’s a selfish part of him that wished he could keep Kim Jong Kook all to himself; not the Commander, not the singer; just Kim Jong Kook, and he knew it was ridiculous and thoughtless and would never happen and Jong Kook would kick him hard on his behind.

 

 

“Sometimes I wish I could just leave this place and move to Italy or something where nobody knows me; I heard that it’s a beautiful place.” Jong Kook’s voice lowered into a soft tone and Kwang Soo snorted. That was really random. And he knew Jong Kook didn’t really mean that—he worked hard to get his celebrity status after all. “Huh, that reminds me I haven’t been to Italy yet,”

 

 

“Then you have to learn Italian,” Kwang Soo countered. Jong Kook would love that, learning a new language.

 

 

“Yes, that would be fun.” Kwang Soo couldn’t see him now; he was tidying up the kitchen and refused to go back to the living room. He could imagine however, how Jong Kook with all his sleepy gazes and mellow smile and body softened into the warmth of the room.  “I’ll buy a house near a lake where the weather would be perfect to swim around all season, and get a cinnamon bun at the pretty little café no one has discovered yet,”

 

 

Kwang Soo closed his eyes, smiling. “Maybe having a house near a lake would finally make you leave the house once in a while,”

 

 

There was a sound of amused laughter echoed in the living room.

 

 

“There would be a gym around the corner of the street that you would love and you can have your own studio in the house,” Kwang Soo continued, blinking his eyes open and stared at the table top.

 

 

Jong Kook hummed. “There should be enough space for a studio, I agree. Maybe do some volunteering work at the children’s hospital during the holidays.”

 

 

“Ah, yes, that would suit you well,” they both loved kids; and while Jong Kook is perched on a daughter, Kwang Soo thought that it’ll be nice to have a boy of his own. He would marry his son to Jong Kook’s daughter with no doubt.

 

 

“And then buy a car to go for a cross-country adventure around Europe; don’t you think that would be fun?”

 

 

“You have to take a long holiday, then.”

 

 

“It’s just wistful thinking though; there are a lot at stakes here. Family, friends, fans, career,”

 

 

Kwang Soo understood; he had been advice by Jae Suk, Jong Kook and several other seniors about how it is to make his way in the entertainment industry. He was glad he had his hyungs and noonas who practically took him under their protective wings as he climb his way slowly and carefully to the top; and he doubt that any of them had his privilege when they were younger.

 

 

It was much more understandable for Jong Kook to feel like this; he had been a celebrity right after graduated, and the thought of a 20 year old to be in a phenomenal group back in the days, with a company that would do anything to ensure profitability… Kwang Soo didn’t even want to think about it.

 

 

“You’ve never gone to Italy too, right?”

 

 

Kwang Soo halted, his long fingers tightened at the rail of the dishwasher as the machine beeped into a stop. There’s a scream in his ears, and he quickly whirled around to see Jong Kook staring at him, face indescribably familiar and warm and honest and he knew he did not hear wrong; the unspoken words were loud and clear.

 

 

_Will you go with me? Would you come with me?_

 

 

_Will you…_

 

 

_Will you be with me?_

 

 

It was so loud it’s almost deafening and he wondered if he could get away by pushing his palms over his ears. He didn’t realize though, how it burned Jong Kook to wordless frustration and crushing hope.

 

 

The phone suddenly rung and Kwang Soo wanted to sing praises to the caller.

 

 

Jong Kook tore his eyes away and rummaged through the bag he placed at the shelves and picked up his phone, putting it on speaker when he realized who was calling.

 

 

“Yes?”

 

 

“Jong Kook-ah!” “Hyung!”

 

 

It was Yoo Jae Suk and Ha Dong Hoon.

 

 

Their eyes met briefly, as Jong Kook turned and moved towards the balcony that overlooked the Han River. Kwang Soo bit his lips, quickly rearranging the plates back to its shelves and placed the leftovers in the fridge before joining Jong Kook.

 

 

Looking out the window, Kwang Soo suddenly felt a craving for a cigarette. He stopped smoking a while back, and didn’t feel the need for nicotine after that and was glad for it.

 

 

Tonight was a bit different.

 

 

“Lunch tomorrow, my treat, are you free?” Jae Suk asked, his voice sounded muffled; probably he was wrapping a scarf around his neck.

 

 

They were standing side by side, two lonely silhouettes painting the darkened room. The scenery outside the window was ink-black too, but there were so many flickers of lights on the ground of Seoul as if the night sky full of stars has been turn upside down.

 

 

“Yes, I have a day off tomorrow. I’m at Kwang Soo’s house right now,”

 

 

“Really? Yah, let us talk to him too,”

 

 

Jong Kook held the phone between himself and Kwang Soo. “You’re on speaker, go ahead.”

 

 

“Kwang Soo, let’s have lunch together tomorrow, Myung Soo-hyung just told us about this new restaurant off Yongsan.”

 

 

The joyful and energetic voice of Haha brought in a pair of smiles on their faces. “Haha-hyung,” Kwang Soo called out. “We already have plans for tomorrow, maybe next time?”

 

 

Jae Suk let out a bark of laugh and Haha snorted, not without whining out their disappointment and vocalizing that Kwang Soo was playing favourites again.

 

 

They both grinned at each other, their expressions reflected upon the clear glass. “Of course, Jong Kook-hyung will always be my favourite person,” Kwang Soo replied mischievously and Jong Kook threw his head back and laughed a bit too loud.

 

 

“Ouch,” Jae Suk and Haha countered simultaneously and Kwang Soo could imagine them holding their chests in attempt of over-dramatization. “How could you? Jong Kook-hyung, you want to go out with us tomorrow, right?”

 

 

Jong Kook shrugged, and then realized they couldn’t see him. “Sorry, can’t help you, Dong Hoon-ah.”

 

 

“You two most definitely have the best compatibility, the fortune teller was right,” Jae Suk said, and Haha made a sound of agreement as if to say ‘but of course, we already know that all along.’ “Fine, have fun, you two. Don’t do things we wouldn’t do,”

 

 

“Well, that’s a short list,” retorted Jong Kook.

 

 

Big laughter erupted from both sides of the phone.

 

 

They soon said their goodbyes to each other. “Good night, love you both,” Jae Suk chuckled through the receiver and hang up.

 

 

It’s so easy to utter the word ‘love’ regardless of the depth of its meaning.

 

 

Kwang Soo and Jong Kook glanced at each other.

 

 

“Kwang Soo-yah,”

 

 

“Yes, hyung?”

 

 

“We don’t have any plan tomorrow.”

 

 

Kwang Soo noticed it. It was brief, but it was there all the same. “I thought we’re spending the day off together, just the both of us? Or am I wrong?”

 

 

Jong Kook immediately switched his phone to airplane mode.

 

 

“No, you’re not wrong.”

 

 

 

-

**But then his hands roam**

**I turned him to gold**

**And it took him higher**

-

 

 

 

At four in the morning, Kwang Soo called Joong Ki. He smiled when he was greeted by Joong Ki’s annoyed and sleep-hoarse voice. Later he was able to convince Jong Kook not to go jogging and they laid under the cover next to each other in the bedroom bathed in the glow of the bedside lamp, breaths mingling when they close their eyes to catch some sleep and hair sprawled over pillows like golden rain in the white clouds.

 

 

He didn’t know if Jong Kook thought he had gone to sleep, for after a few minutes, his hyung sat up on the bed carefully and quietly to avoid waking him up and rested his back on the bedframe. His fingers cradled over Kwang Soo’s messy hair attentively, as if afraid to touch him (and it’s weird because Jong Kookie-hyung was never afraid of touching him, _never_ )—and Kwang Soo was about to open his eyes and ask his hyung if he couldn’t sleep— but then Jong Kook started talking; his voice was like ghost whispers that Kwang Soo decided against waking up and concentrate so he could hear him.

 

 

“I think the tarot card reading is wrong, you know, how it said we hurt each other emotionally. It might seems true at that moment, but they’re oh so wrong,”

 

 

The pause that followed made Kwang Soo confused.

 

 

A small sigh broke the silence. “Oh, don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t just being funny when I said not once I’ve been unhurt by you. No, I was always hurt. You have no idea how painful it is every time I look at you. It’s like I’m always drowning and you’re the anchor that could save me but I don’t want to reach for you because I know once I touch you I will drown even more and I can’t let that happen. Wouldn’t let that happen; you’re hurting me, Kwang Soo-yah,”

 

 

If he wasn’t pretending to be asleep, he would have punch Jong Kook and let him feel physical pain so Jong Kook could yell at him just to make him stop sounding so broken, so helpless. He would have scream at the top of his lungs asking his hyung what he meant by hurting him because for all the life he had known Kim Jong Kook; the thought of hurting him emotionally had never, ever made a cross in his mind _and how dare Jong Kook-hyung accuse me of hurting him when he’s the one who always hit me with careless remarks and curses_ —

 

 

“But I said the tarot cards are wrong because even I was hurt, it doesn’t mean I’m upset. I’m very happy, I’m even grateful that I feel hurt because that means I still care about you; that I still think of you as my most important person instead of just someone that’s fleeting by. I would get worried if I stop feeling this kind of pain, because then I would have realize that I’ve gone from caring to ignorance and I never want that with you. Never with you,”

 

 

No, it’s not your fault; you have no idea, and how would you when I ask everyone who knew to remain silence about how I feel towards you? I can’t help how I feel, just like how you can’t help how you feel. You make me so happy even when you hurt me, so I don’t mind. Just keep hurting me, okay? Then I know that I still care.”

 

 

A press of lips on the top of his head.

 

 

A hand leaving his hair.

 

 

A dip on the other side of the bed.

 

 

A small movement.

 

 

Almost an hour past, when Kwang Soo finally had the courage to peeked at his side from his heavy eyelids, and blinked at Jong Kook’s back.

 

 

He had no idea that the fortune reading they did on the show was upsetting Jong Kook; it was supposed to be for the game, but they had all taken it seriously as to how truthful the reading were concerning their relationship with each other and their lifestyles.

 

 

Between the both of them, he was usually the one who was more emotional and full with insecurities. To a person like him, Kim Jong Kook is the definition of confidence and safe—the unbreakable hero with a strength that comes from kindness—and he sensed that Jong Kook was only saying all that when he knew Kwang Soo couldn’t hear them was because he didn’t want Kwang Soo to see his weakness; didn’t want Kwang Soo to stop looking at him like a hero.

 

 

It was almost laughable; the fact that Jong Kook thought Kwang Soo would stop looking at him as if he’s holding up the sun and the moon.

 

 

Convinced that his hyung had gone into deep slumber, he scooted closer and tucked his forehead over Jong Kook’s shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around Jong Kook’s chest. The elder stirred lightly before turning on his back, a hand reaching for Kwang Soo’s waist instinctively while the other held over Kwang Soo’s hand on his chest.

 

 

He could finally fall asleep.

 

 

 

-

**Oh, I’ll be your daydream**

**I’ll wear your favourite things**

**We could be beautiful**

-

 

 

 

They were sitting facing each other in a restaurant near Kwang Soo’s apartment at ten in the morning.

 

 

“We’re definitely going to the supermarket after brunch,” Jong Kook grunted, scrolling over his phone screen with his index finger.

 

 

“Can you blame me of having run out of food in the kitchen when I don’t have time to go buy groceries?” Kwang Soo looked at his hyung incredulously.

 

 

“Yes, I can.”

 

 

“ _Unbelievable_ ,”

 

 

Jong Kook looked up from his phone. “It’s not healthy to eat outside all the time, and your fridge is literally empty.”

 

 

“Ehh, hyung, it’s not every day, and besides I haven’t got around to go to the supermarket because I’ve been really busy with filming; I usually ate at the set so by the time I come home I just go to sleep.”

 

 

“Excuses don’t work on me,”

 

 

He rolled his eyes. “Why are you so picky?”

 

 

Jong Kook couldn’t help but smile; Kwang Soo’s pout was unbearably adorable.

 

 

Suddenly he turned his phone and opened the apps to camera before taking a picture of Kwang Soo who was still sulking. The younger man realized it a moment too late. “I’m keeping this as my screensaver,”

 

 

Kwang Soo burst out laughing at the sudden statement. “Hyung, don’t do that,”

 

 

“What? It’s my phone,”

 

 

Jong Kook kept his attention back on his phone, as Kwang Soo stared blankly at the black screen of his phone—he forgot to charge up the device last night and now he had to deal with a dead battery. At least he’s on his day off so his manager and PR team wouldn’t bother him.

 

 

Noticing the quiet giraffe humming to himself and ignoring his own phone, Jong Kook raised an eyebrow at him. “Is your battery dead?”

 

 

Kwang Soo just nodded absent-mindedly.

 

 

Pulling his bag closer, Jong Kook took out a wireless battery adapter and tossed it at his younger brother. “Here, you can use mine.”

 

 

“Eh? Oh no, it’s fine. I have a day off so it’s actually a blessing not to hear the phone ringing all the time.”

 

 

“You get mischievous when you’re bored; I’m not taking chances.”

 

 

Kwang Soo laughed at that. His hyung was always so surprising.

 

 

“What do you mean, hyung? I’m not that bad,”

 

 

The corner of his lips turned into a lopsided smile at Kwang Soo’s whiny but coddling complains. “You’re as bad as Dong Hoon when you’re bored. Maybe that’s why you two always end up fighting.”

 

 

The waitress came and served their food and drinks, smiling sweetly and a little too friendly. They both thanked her without even sparing a glance at her, too caught up at talking with each other.

 

 

“But you and I are always fighting too,”

 

 

Jong Kook turned off his phone and grabbed a fork, smirking. “I let you fight with me, Kwang Soo-yah.”

 

 

“Sure, hyung.” The younger man conceded, sipping his juice and started eating.

 

 

After the quiet brunch, Jong Kook drove to the nearest supermarket that Kwang Soo regularly frequent. It was a weekday in the middle of the noon, thus there were not many customers in the supermarket and lessened the chance of getting caught by fans. Jong Kook slipped on a pair of sunglasses and waited at the entrance as Kwang Soo went to fetch a cart.

 

 

Thirty minutes later, they made a second round in the vegetables aisle; the shopping cart was full of food and toiletries that Kwang Soo didn’t realize he was out until Jong Kook reminded him. Sometimes he felt like Jong Kook knew about the inside of his house more than himself.

 

 

“But they all look the same to me!”

 

 

“No, check again, the colour is slightly different. They usually put the old ones at the front, and fresher ones at the back. Go change it,” Jong Kook waved him off, strolling with the cart to where the pumpkins were.

 

 

Kwang Soo followed him, grimacing. “So? They’re just old, they’re not bad,” he frowned at the lettuces he was holding.

 

 

“Kwang Soo-yah, you’re rarely home, much less cook at home; if they’re old, they’ll rot faster. Don’t argue with me, just change it.” He kept on walking without even looking at Kwang Soo; the cart’s wheel gave a clicking sound that was actually quite calming. Kwang Soo groaned inwardly and couldn’t help but curse at his hyung’s picky nature before turning back to where the lettuces were. 

 

 

Jong Kook grinned, glancing at his back until he couldn’t see the taller man anymore; then he swivelled the cart into another aisle and quickly scanned the drink shelves until he saw what he was searching for. He picked out two cartons of royal milk tea that Kwang Soo loved and hidden them under the mountain of groceries.

 

 

When Kwang Soo came back, he was pouting; his parted hair was a mess, his old sweater was well-worn and his sneakers made squeaky sound on the floor as he trudged back to Jong Kook. “Fine, you win. Here,” he put the plastic full of lettuce on top of a bottle of cooking oil. “You better not give your daughter or son-in-law a hard time like you did with me,”

 

 

Jong Kook chuckled; his eyes sparkled in amusement and discreetly slipped his arm around Kwang Soo’s slender waist and pulled him closer. The annoyance on Kwang Soo’s face was gone in an instant; and they pushed the shopping cart together. Kwang Soo almost slipped but Jong Kook’s grip saved him.

 

 

He’s still the same old clumsy giraffe.

 

 

“I know if I ever get angry at my future son or daughter-in-law they will just run to you instead,”

 

 

Kwang Soo scoffed. “What am I, their father-in-law?”

 

 

It was ridiculous, but the thought alone was wonderful and something warm spread across Kwang Soo’s chest as he watched Jong Kook, with his reddened cheeks giggled cutely at his comeback.

 

 

After paying the groceries, Kwang Soo finally noticed the two cartons of royal milk tea that Jong Kook refused him before and smiled widely before bending down to give a quick peck at his hyung’s cheek.

 

 

They got back to Kwang Soo’s house and unpacked everything, and after a while Kwang Soo urged his hyung to rest after he was being scolded for the fifth time on where to put the groceries. Jong Kook rolled his eyes and went to the small office room, choosing a book, taking Kwang Soo’s phone and plugged it to the charger. He reclined on the couch, holding up a novel and listened to the shuffling noise in the kitchen where Kwang Soo was putting everything in order according to his own, unique taste.

 

 

Making sure that the trash was out and the kitchen gleamed, Kwang Soo stepped into the living room and put on a movie, sitting on the floor with his back to the couch. He opened one of the milk teas and drank half of it.

 

 

He glanced behind when he heard a soft snore. “Hyung,” he muttered gently as to not surprise Jong Kook. “Hyung, if you want to sleep go to the bed.” He patted Jong Kook’s arm.

 

 

The older man stirred, pushing the book away from his face down to the space between his back and the couch. He blinked his eyes and frowned, trying to make sense of his surroundings. It was familiar, and the hand touching his arm felt familiar, and the warmth of a body beside him was familiar; he closed his eyes again.

 

 

“Hyung,”

 

 

Kwang Soo stared as Jong Kook flipped his wrist, mumbling sleepily before winding his arms around Kwang Soo’s neck and burrowed his face into Kwang Soo’s shoulder. He smiled a little and shrugged; Jong Kook would blame him when he wake up later with a sore back, but he was used to it and decided to deal with it when it happens.

 

 

When Jong Kook woke up two hours later, he didn’t complain. Instead he took a shower, made dinner and let Kwang Soo helped him with chopping the ingredients (because Kwang Soo was helpless at cooking) and drove back home right after midnight.

 

 

“What are you doing, you’re not Cinderella,” Kwang Soo muttered, smiling to himself as he looked out of his window.

 

 

 

-

**Get drunk**

**On the good life**

**I’ll take you to paradise**

-

 

 

 

Both of them stayed out of contacts for two days after that; each was busy with their own works. Kwang Soo spent the weekend going for meetings and managed to book another drama for summer next year. He was still in the middle of having to film the New Year’s drama but they didn’t film on the weekend since they’re about to wrap it up earlier than scheduled.

 

 

And for two days, Kwang Soo’s head was a mess. He hid it well behind a mask of professionalism and amazing concentration; but when he was at home, at night, alone in his bedroom, the echoes of Jong Kook-hyung’s tentative voice, soft and smooth like sand disappearing beneath the ocean waves, turned into a thunderstorm that plaguing his dreams.

 

 

_“You have no idea how painful it is every time I look at you.”_

 

 

_“You’re hurting me,”_

 

 

_“Even when I’m hurt, it doesn’t mean I’m upset.”_

 

 

_“You make me happy.”_

 

_“It’s not your fault,”_

 

 

Kwang Soo kept waking up in the middle of the night, covered in cold sweat, his cover kicked to the side, and with a problem that just won’t go away.

 

 

He dreamt of falling.

 

 

And never reach the bottom.

 

 

His first urge was to call Jong Kook, but he restrained himself. Why would he call the person who is the sole reason for his problem right now? Instead, he took care of his problem in the bathroom, his face burning red, and stayed up watching nothing on the television until sunrise.

 

 

He kept himself busy. He went to visit Joong Ki at the filming site with Jo Hwan in all his serene presence and deep voice. They hugged a bit too long; Joong Ki patted his back and Kwang Soo giving a supporting squeeze on the arms.

 

 

“Thanks for coming to see me,” Joong Ki said as they let go, moving forward to give Jo Hwan a hug too. He missed them; Kwang Soo could tell. Joong Ki had bags under his eyes and even his shoulders seem stiff.

 

 

“No problem, we’re here to kidnap you though,” Kwang Soo grinned, glancing at where the filming crew was busy setting the equipment. “Think your PD would let you go for at least an hour for lunch?”

 

 

Joong Ki chuckled. “We’ll see,”

 

 

Five minutes later, they were seating in a nearby bibimbap restaurant.

 

 

“So,” Joong Ki leaned forward from across Kwang Soo, Jo Hwan seated next to him. “What’s going on?”

 

 

“What?” Kwang Soo blinked at his best friend as he stopped reading the menu. “What do you mean? Nothing’s going on,”

 

 

Joong Ki stared at his face, narrowing his eyes and looked as if he could see the terrifying clumps inside his head under the smiling mask; and Kwang Soo was worried that Joong Ki would catch on, because Joong Ki was smart, and he knew Kwang Soo pretty well.

 

 

“Are you sure?” Joong Ki asked again, carefully. “You seem a little upset, though.”

 

 

Jo Hwan flipped the menu down and sighed. “Oh, good, so I’m not the only one who notices.”

 

 

Kwang Soo looked from Joong Ki to Jo Hwan repeatedly before biting his lips and continued his dedication on reading the entire menu.

 

 

“Did something happen at work? Running Man? Drama? Movie?”

 

 

The waitress came to get their order but Jo Hwan waved her off, demanding for more time.

 

 

“Or is it relationship problem?” Joong Ki cheered internally when his best friend jumped a little. Then felt a little bad when he saw Kwang Soo slumped more into his chair, almost bending his tall, lean figure into half.

 

 

Jo Hwan who was watching silently, reached out and held Kwang Soo’s hand. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked calmly.

 

 

“I—“ Kwang Soo swallowed, his throat suddenly felt dry. “It’s just—maybe not, look, guys,” he looked up to his two best friends. “I really want to tell you, but I think I need some time to think about it first,”

 

 

Both of them nodded. “Okay,” Joong Ki said. “Sure, it’s up to you. But we’re here for you always.”

 

 

Jo Hwan nodded with a serious, sincere expression.

 

 

“Thanks,” Kwang Soo smiled, he couldn’t ask for better people to be his best friends. “We’re here for you too, Joong Ki. So take care of yourself, okay? Before we are force to drag you from filming sets and run away with you to Tokyo for a vacation,”

 

 

Joong Ki laughed loudly, while Jo Hwan’s lips curled into an amused smile and he called for the waitress to take their order.

 

 

“I’m holding you for that,”

 

 

 

-

**Deep in my bones**

**I can feel you**

-

 

 

 

Monday came too fast for Kwang Soo, and when he arrived at the opening site with long winter coat and a pair of gloves that he received from Jae Suk as an early Christmas present, he was greeted by the maknae PD urging him to where the rest has already waiting. They all stood in line, each lost in their own thoughts. Jae Suk and Suk Jin-hyung smiled at him in greeting, and Gary raised his hand at him for a casual hand slap. Haha looked distracted, but he waved at him. Jong Kook spared a glance at him before looking straight at the staffs.

 

 

He fell into his position at the end of line of seven members next to Ji Hyo. The woman had her hair in a bun and she was wearing a green hunter jacket with fur collar. She looked up at him, eyes hidden behind wide sunglasses.

 

 

“Did you arrive from home?”

 

 

He pursued his lips and nodded hastily. The noona seemed satisfied with his answer as she turned back to the camera.

 

 

“Before we begin, I just want to remind you guys about the SBS Entertainment Awards. Are you guys planning to come together or should we arrange with your managers about your transportation?” Hyung Taek PD stood and pushed his glasses up, knotting his eyebrows together.

 

 

“Suk Jin-hyung, Haha and I are coming together,” Jae Suk raised his hand. “But I think Gary couldn’t make it,”

 

 

Gary crossed his arms and groaned into his hand.

 

 

The PD rolled the script in his hands. “Yeah, I remember, the Leessang concert, isn’t it? Should we make an official statement about your absence?”

 

 

“No,” Gary shook his head. “I’ll try to make it. The concert would be finish halfway through the awards ceremony, so if I can, I’ll try to come as soon as possible,”

 

 

“That’s very good, hyung.” Haha clapped his hand across Gary’s shoulder.

 

 

Ji Hyo raised her hand to grab the others attention. “I’ll come with my brother, so I can’t ride with all of you,” she smiled apologetically.

 

 

Hyung Taek nodded. Then his eyes fell on the other two members. “How about you two?” he asked Jong Kook and Kwang Soo.

 

 

They both looked at each other at the same time, questions flashed in their features. They went to the awards show together last year; fashionably late and glamorous, but they haven’t given it a thought this year.

 

 

It has been a very hectic year after all.

 

 

“Are you coming alone, Jong Kook-hyung? I can just ride with Suk Jin-hyung and the other…” Kwang Soo glanced over at Jae Suk who was already nodding in agreement, whole-heartedly inviting him to join them.

 

 

“No, I’ll pick you up, we’ll go together.”

 

 

Suk Jin raised an eyebrow, avoiding eye contact and smiled at the ground. Haha also gave a fleeting smile; eyes darted between Jong Kook and Kwang Soo. Gary was calm and composed for a moment, before failing to hold in his laughter. Ji Hyo also grinned widely, changing looks with Jae Suk who just shook his head.

 

 

Kwang Soo failed to see what was so funny, but Jong Kook already glared at the other five members and he muttered something to Haha who burst into a fit of laugher.

 

 

Hyung Taek just blinked, and then he looked at the other PDs. The other just shrugged nonchalantly and he let out a defeated sigh. He clapped his hands together and called out to the cast members.

 

 

“Four cars for the members it is,” he nodded and went back to sitting on the ground, waving his script. “Now go back to your marks, we’re already behind schedule. We can’t keep the guests waiting,”

 

 

The two days filming went on smoothly, though Kwang Soo’s heart was beating fast whenever he’s near Jong Kook. Jong Kook still treated him the same, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. There was no different; but after all Jong Kook had always treated him different than other people. He spent the second day of breaks by Ji Hyo’s side, sitting on a lawn chair while drinking sodas and noticed how Jae Suk and Suk Jin kept throwing glances at him from across the room.

 

 

“Is there something on my face, hyung?” Kwang Soo who couldn’t bear it any longer, turned towards Jae Suk and Suk Jin. His patience has its limit, and it seemed like everyone around him was testing it by tiptoeing around him and he didn’t like it.

 

 

Ji Hyo suddenly became alert; her eyes went wide as she turned towards the elders too.

 

 

Both Jae Suk and Suk Jin weren’t affected at all; instead they seemed relief for some reason and Jae Suk got up from his chair, stealing a look at where Jong Kook, Haha and Gary were having snacks a little further away, and went to Kwang Soo.

 

 

“I haven’t seen you at all last week, I miss you,” Jae Suk chuckled teasingly and lopped his arms around Kwang Soo’s neck, sitting on his lap.

 

 

Kwang Soo snorted at Jae Suk’s antic. “Didn’t we already meet every week on Monday and Tuesday? Are you aiming to become the new Monday Couple with me?”

 

 

Ji Hyo giggled behind her palm.

 

 

“Yah, no way, don’t even think about it,” Suk Jin waved a finger at them trying to look threatening, but he was grinning widely and all they could see was just a caring hyungnim.

 

 

“Aigoo, hyung.”

 

 

Suk Jin moved closer to them, sitting beside Ji Hyo and rested his hand across Ji Hyo’s chair. Jae Suk made no intention of moving away from his comfortable spot on Kwang Soo’s lap as they chattered away. After a couple of years, Kwang Soo was used to the fact that they were a group of people who relied on too much skinship, much more than anyone else he ever met that kissing and hugging came like second nature to them by now. And that was refreshing since apparently he’s also a tactile person (and in his defence he also just noticed it when he watched how he acted in Running Man); everyone said he wears his heart on his sleeves after all. They fought a lot (and oh god it’s like five years of their friendship was built by nothing but fights and betrayals) but it certainly what made them so close in the first place. There’s no judgement and resentment and they loved each other like family (or more) anyway.

 

 

The other three members walked towards them, holding up packets of crackers. Jong Kook side-eyed Jae Suk, but the Nation MC just grinned without batted an eye.

 

 

“What is this?” Haha shrieked and immediately jumped to sit on Jae Suk’s lap. Jae Suk bounced his knees, and Kwang Soo yelled at him to stop. One person was fine, but having two male adults on his lap was a little too heavy.

 

 

Jae Suk muttered his apologies, patting Kwang Soo’s cheek affectionately as Haha tore off a packet and started munching on a cracker, offering some to the other members, happily claiming his seat on top of his dongsaeng and hyung combined.

 

 

“Aigoo, it seems like there’s only one seat left,” Gary said calmly as he casually climbed on top of Haha and sat on his lap. Haha laughed loudly; his eyes squinted in amusement as he wrapped his arms around the grinning Gary, bouncing his knees in the process.

 

 

“Yah! Yah! Don’t move around or you’ll make me fall!” Gary yelped, holding on for dear life to Jong Kook’s arm who was standing beside him, though the thought about getting off didn’t occur to him.

 

 

Suk Jin and Ji Hyo just watched the entire scene while laughing, clutching their painful stomachs and shaking heads at the ridiculousness.  The staffs turned at them over the ruckus; some of the new ones were concerned, while the old ones just past by with deadpanned look on their faces. Jong Kook couldn’t help but grinned too. The members were ridiculous sometimes.

 

 

Then they heard their maknae shouting and groaning from beneath the mountain pile of men and the laughter erupted among the members became louder and hysterical.

 

 

“Hey! Does everyone forget that I’m still down here!? You hyungs are too heavy, get off already!”

 

 

 

-

**Take me back**

**To a time only we knew**

**Hideaway**

-

 

 

 

Kwang Soo hit the pluck into the goal. It missed; hitting the goalpost instead and knocked over to the side of the rink. He grimaced and hit another one; this time sailing it into the net.

 

 

Skating backwards while still holding the hockey stick, he made a circle and almost stumbled out of clumsiness before he regained his footing and stood still for a while, breathing out a sigh of relief.

 

 

After making sure that all his safety gears were still intact, he threw the hockey stick aside and skated to the centre of the rink. Taking a deep breath, he eyed the sharp corner and counted to three before skated forward. He increased the speed little by little, faster until he could feel the air brushing the side of his cheeks, and when he reached the end of the rink, he skidded at the corner and made a sharp turn. He managed to do it without hitting the rail or falling on his face.

 

 

He slowed down, smiling proudly to himself and took another deep breath. Seriously if he wasn’t careful he might have been in a serious accident.

 

 

Suddenly someone was clapping.

 

 

Kwang Soo whirled around in shock. He thought he’s the only person left in the building (except for the night guard but he spent most of his time in the security room).

 

 

“That was good,” Jong Kook smiled at him from the top of the stairs, clapping loudly that made the hall echoed, adorned in black winter jacket with black scarf and a knitted hat.

 

 

“Hyung,” he rubbed his hand over his chest. He went and picked up the hockey stick and skated over to the direction of Jong Kook, surprise written all over his face. “What are you doing here?”

 

 

“I come to see you, of course.” He climbed down the stairs until he reached the rail. “Do you know it’s already one in the morning?”

 

 

“Huh, doesn’t feel like it,”

 

 

Kwang Soo slowy slide with the skate while Jong Kook walking from the opposite rail. They met at the ice rink entryway and the taller man carefully left the ice, and struggled his way to the bench to rest. Jong Kook sat next to him, hands buried deep inside his pockets.

 

 

“How do you know I’m here?” Kwang Soo took out the helmet and gloves he was wearing and grabbed his water bottle under the bench and quenched his thirst.

 

 

“I called your phone but you didn’t pick up, so I called Joong Ki instead,” Jong Kook scratched his dry cheek. “He didn’t pick up either,”

 

 

“Oh, I turned off my phone earlier, and Joong Ki might be still in shooting,”

 

 

“I thought so too. Then I asked In Sung and he said you would be here, practicing.” Then he frowned, glaring at his dongsaeng. “Don’t ever make me call him again to ask where you are; my pride is hurt because of that.”

 

 

“Why would your pride hurt by that?” Kwang Soo asked incredulously. In Sung-hyung only knew he was at the ice rink because he called Kwang Soo earlier in the evening, demanding to have a weekend hang out. Jong Kook and In Sung had a mutual relationship, though they only met regularly through Kwang Soo. And Kwang Soo always suspected that there is some sort of silent competition between the two of them, though he had no idea over what.

 

 

Jong Kook let out a sound of dissatisfaction. “He _always_ know where you are,”

 

 

“What? He doesn’t always knew—and he know about tonight because he called me earlier,” Kwang Soo rolled his eyes.

 

 

“And I didn’t?”

 

 

“No—he called earlier, like in the evening, and you called me—“ Kwang Soo pulled his phone from his bag and eyed the three missed calls. “Like two hours ago,” suddenly his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Are you telling me that from now on I should give a report of my daily schedule to you?”

 

 

If Kwang Soo didn’t know any better, he would have thought that Kim Jong Kook was jealous. But then, he did know Jong Kook as much as he knew the back of his hand and… yes, his hyung was certainly in his jealous-mode. His heart softened at that.

 

 

“That is certainly not a bad idea,” Jong Kook barked, but then he patted Kwang Soo’s back in an attempt of silent apology.

 

 

“Aren’t you supposed to go to Hong Kong for a meeting tomorrow?”

 

 

“Yeah, in like,” Jong Kook brought out his phone to look at the time displayed on the screen. “In exactly five hours,”

 

 

There was a silence for a heartbeat. “Why did you come here then?”

 

 

Jong Kook shrugged. “Just feel like seeing you before I go,”

 

 

Kwang Soo dug his nails into his palms. His adrenaline was pulsing through his body, feeling like he’s standing on the edge of a deep canyon and he was given two choices; leap into the abyss and see what’s on the other side, or turn back into the forest of ignorance.

 

 

“Hyung, I think I’ve decided.”

 

 

Jong Kook hummed softly. “You’re changing your career as an ice-skater? You might be too tall for that, but you’re pretty good at it too.”

 

 

“No, that’s not what I—“ he closed his eyes patiently and took a deep breath. “I was just thinking about what you said the other night,”

 

 

That caught Jong Kook’s attention, and he looked up so fast that Kwang Soo was worried if it hurt his neck. “We— I said a lot of things on many nights, you have to be more specific.”

 

 

He was nervous. Kwang Soo could see it as clear as day.

 

 

“About you moving to Italy,”

 

 

He leaped into the abyss.

 

 

There was a tense atmosphere, then a sigh of relief. “Oh, that. I was not being serious, Kwang Soo-yah. Can you imagine the ruckus it would cause?” he laughed good-naturedly. “And there are still Turbo comeback and Running Man—“

 

 

“But if someday you decided to retire from Turbo for good and Running Man ends; there’s always a possibility of you moving to Italy, right? And buy a house near a lake and eating cinnamon bun and all that; it could happen someday, the future is a very mysterious place.”

 

 

Jong Kook titled his head. Kwang Soo was oddly too serious about it, in his opinion. “Well, I don’t know, maybe, someday—probably—I have a definitive look on my future but you’re right; it’s still a mystery, so it could happen, who knows?”

 

 

The thing was— as much as Jong Kook thought it’s painful to be with Kwang Soo; it’s actually terrifying for Kwang Soo to be with Jong Kook.

 

 

They couldn’t help how they feel, and it’s wonderful and choking at the same time; and nobody knew except Joong Ki how Kwang Soo was always, always afraid whenever he’s around the Commander. His careful words and cautious action around him has gone, but the numb feelings that he got when he thought he’s done something terribly wrong still lingered to this day; though Jong Kook never got mad at him long enough.

 

 

Jong Kook was older, and more experienced and _too well-known_.

 

 

He too, is well-known, but it was a new experience, unlike Jong Kook who got the early taste of fame since the first time he became a legitimate adult.

 

 

Both of them had their own past that they mutually didn’t want to talk about, pasts that they would like to mums but never forget because they were young and foolish—him during his days as a male model right after coming out of service, and Jong Kook during his days when he was in a phenomenal idol group—and it’s completely fine because what’s important is that they learned from their mistakes and youth and found their ways in the industry—rational and mature—and patch up their wounds to continue their hike.

 

 

It’s just that it never occurred to him that the price of that hike, the growing fame, would be their hearts.

 

 

This was not supposed to be this complicated. Oh god, why it had to be so complicated and messy and wonderful— like the feeling you got when you’re looking at children’s crayon scrawls on white walls with all their wrong spellings, innocent words and bright colours.

 

 

“I would go with you, you know.”

 

 

There was a sharp intake of breath.

 

 

“To Italy, I mean. I would go with you in a heartbeat,”

 

 

 _What are you talking about?_ “… What—what about your career?”

 

 

_You’re still so young._

 

 

“At this point, I just want to do what I like. I love acting and running; but if I can’t do it with you by my side, there’s no point, is there?”

 

 

The hall felt too quiet; too far away; as if the world only existed as the two of them—the respected hyung and polite maknae; the ever bickering tiger and giraffe; the sweet best friends Kim Jong Kook and Lee Kwang Soo— and the rest of the world felt like a fish tank.

 

 

Jong Kook sighed heavily; his body slumped into the bench, arms crossing against his chest as he rubbed a palm over his face.

 

 

“You can’t just say something like that,”

 

 

Kwang Soo frowned. “Why not?”

 

 

“You don’t really mean that,”

 

 

It made him angry.

 

 

“Why do you think I don’t?”

 

 

Another long sigh; deep and a little painful to look at, much less feeling it. “You’re stupid if you leave your career just to go with me,”

 

 

Jong Kook was back paddling; he did that a lot. He gave his partners too much freedom, too many choices, too much support; and so little fight.

 

 

And Kwang Soo wanted to fight. He wanted lots of fight.

 

 

“I do a lot of stupid stuffs, you know that.”

 

 

Jong Kook dropped his elbows on his knees, looking up at the younger, taller man next to him. His face was calm, strong, and a little unmasked.

 

 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, and Kwang Soo got a little angrier. It was true he had bad temper. “Here,” Jong Kook scrolled the contact list on his phone. “It’s the number for that girl hyung told you about, take it.”

 

 

Kwang Soo felt his heart clenched, like being shot by a bolt of lightning. So that it? That’s the end of their conversation? That’s how Jong Kook-hyung wanted to end their conversation? By giving him a girl’s phone number?

 

 

“I hate you right now,”

 

 

“Why?” Jong Kook gave him a small smile, a bit forceful. “I’m giving you a girl’s phone number; I should be your favourite hyung right now.”

 

 

Kwang Soo glared at him. That was it; Jong Kook would change his tune again, going back to become _the hyung_.  He made a quick grab of Jong Kook’s phone and looked at the number; there was a picture of a very pretty girl attached with the number—pretty and petite with short, brown hair and big, black eyes that shone aegyo and dimples on her pinkish cheeks.

 

 

She really was his type.

 

 

“She’s completely your style, right?”

 

 

Kwang Soo almost threw the phone at the wall.

 

 

Instead he deleted the number from his hyung’s contact list.

 

 

“Hey!” Jong Kook shouted; his eyes widened in shock. “Why on earth did you do that?”

 

 

Kwang Soo tossed the device back to his hyung, and when Jong Kook was distracted to catch it, he leaned forward and claimed the other’s lips, moving and nipping while sliding his large hand over to cup Jong kook’s face. Jong Kook froze in his place, and let the younger kissed him for a moment before he closed his eyes and returned the kiss.

 

 

They would be lying if they said it was their first kiss; there was once when Kwang Soo was drunk and confessing his undying love to Jong Kook while the other was trying to shove him into a car and he just made a grab of Jong Kook’s face and landed a loud kiss on the elder’s lips. And there was another when they were just too lightheaded in a hotel room early in the morning talking and laughing and Jong Kook was staring at him with a soft look on his face before they simultaneously moved forward and let their lips met. And of course, there was that one kiss in public, on stage, in front of thousands of people with chocolate taste on their tongues.

 

 

They never talked about it after that; the kisses ended and they smiled and avoided eye contacts and moved on with their life and friendship.

 

 

It was clear what Jong Kook wanted from him; it was like a neon sign that he carried about everywhere he goes but never acknowledged it because he didn’t want to acknowledge it. But Kwang Soo saw it, stared at it, examined it, tested it, held it, and thought about it until his head hurt. The thing was Jong Kook knew the neon sign existed, but he kept on stubbornly ignoring it.

 

 

He had always been the one to make first move, and he didn’t mind. He would do it again and again, as long as Jong Kook reciprocated.

 

 

They let go when they felt like their hearts were going to explode. When they pulled away, gasping for breath, Jong Kook’s face was flushed and Kwang Soo’s eyes were glassy.

 

 

Kwang Soo licked his lips, and then he hastily pulled the gloves back on and slipped his head into the helmet. “Hyung should go; you have a flight to catch,” he muttered, standing on his wobbly legs and shuffled towards the ice.

 

 

“Kwang Soo-yah,”

 

 

He stopped.

 

 

“It’s not Italy, and we went to Hong Kong a lot of times, but…” Jong Kook stood, pulling the scarf from his neck and moved to Kwang Soo.

 

 

Something twisted in his stomach.

 

 

“Would you come with me?”

 

 

 

-

**We could waste the night**

**With an old film**

**Smoke a little weed**

**On the couch in the back room**

**Hideaway**

-

 

 

 

Kim Jong Kook would denied it all his life, and even the life after that, and would be willing to be in a couple team for all his Running Man career with Yoo Jae Suk as long as he don’t have to admit that he cried a little after Lee Kwang Soo said “Yes.”

 

 

And four hours later they were seated side by side in business class on a flight to Hong Kong.

 

 

Kwang Soo didn’t even have time to shower. He made a mad dash to change his clothes in the locker room, and Jong Kook drove him to his apartment, packing lightly and quickly and for once they were glad they had always been on the run from countries to countries because half of Kwang Soo’s luggage was already packed from his last trip.

 

 

The problem aroused when they both had to explain to their managers. Gap Jin was calmer though, but Young Geun was almost hysterics.

 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You have a company dinner tomorrow. You can’t go to Hong Kong for two days!”

 

 

Kwang Soo grimaced. “Just—just tell them I couldn’t make it, okay? And I don’t have filming or any event tomorrow anyway.  I’m going with Jong Kook-hyung,”

 

 

Hearing Jong Kook’s name, the manager stopped. “Wait, if that’s the case; is Gap Jin-shii there? Let me talk to him,”

 

 

Kwang Soo handed his phone to the man, who was smiling at him reassuringly and walked out of the VIP waiting lounge. Jong Kook had already explain about Kwang Soo’s sudden attendance, and it made Gap Jin panicked for a while before he managed to buy another seat in the business class (thank goodness for that person who cancelled his/her flight at the last minute) and let Kwang Soo have his seat next to Jong Kook.

 

 

“That settles it,” Gap Jin came back, giving the phone and adjusted his hat. The managers for the Running Man members had already form a strong acquaintanceship like the members themselves, and after Gap Jin explained that it was not a public appearance and it was just a meeting between the representative and the event management, Kwang Soo’s manager just sighed and finally allowed Kwang Soo to go; though he knew the blessing was futile because they’re already at the airport. “He asked to take care of yourself and he’ll probably throttle you when you come back to South Korea,”

 

 

Kwang Soo snickered in amusement. “Thanks, Gap Jin-hyung,” he said. Then he turned to Jong Kook. “Well, that means I’m done for. Should I call Hyung Taek-hyung and tell him I can’t be alive to film Running Man next week?”

 

 

Jong Kook rolled his eyes. “You’re so dramatic,”

 

 

Gap Jin just grinned; he didn’t tell the two people that Young Geun had asked him what’s up with the sudden arrangement and Gap Jin telling him that he honestly knew nothing but he had some idea and Kwang Soo’s manager replied that their suspicion might have proven right and said fine he’ll let it slide this time since it’s their first romantic getaway; in exact words.

 

 

Gap Jin took out his phone and texted Young Geun—should they meet by the end of the week to discuss the prospect of combining PR Team to cover up the privacy of their clients once they’re in a relationship—and Young Geun was quick to reply with –Yes, please.

 

 

They already left the Incheon International Airport about thirty-minutes ago.

 

 

Kwang Soo slipped his sunglasses into his collar upon his chest, heaving a deep and long sigh as if he had been holding it for a long time—it sure felt like forever—and relaxed into the seat. It was quiet in the flight; most people lost in their own thoughts. Kwang Soo saw a man tapping into his laptop one aisle down from him, and Gap Jin-hyung who seated in front of him called a stewardess for a drink.

 

 

Jong Kook-hyung yawned, sighing into his hand and snuggled into his jacket and scarf, eyes fixed on the clouds outside. Kwang Soo took the blanket that the stewardess gave him earlier and covered them both with it. Then he pulled Jong Kook until the older man had his head rested on his shoulder.

 

 

He could tell that his hyung was trying not to fall asleep even when he was too tired to even stir.

 

 

“Hyung didn’t sleep since last night, you should take a nap now,” Kwang Soo muttered. They still have a couple of hours before landing, and once the flight touch the earth, Jong Kook would be busy with the meeting and he would spend the day waiting at the hotel while trying to be discrete. It would be difficult if their arrival reach their fans and the media.

 

 

“… You didn’t sleep too,”

 

 

“Well, I’m planning to,”

 

 

Jong Kook snorted.

 

 

Then Kwang Soo lowered his head until his breath ghosted over Jong Kook’s hair. “Don’t worry; I’ll still be here when you wake up,”

 

 

Jong Kook’s eye flickered to Kwang Soo’s face for a spur of moment and then looked back down, before circling his hand around Kwang Soo’s arm and laced their hands together. They couldn’t help thinking that the space between their fingers fit each other so well; it almost looked easy and tedious.

 

 

Jong Kook fell asleep as soon as he closed his eyes.

 

 

But it will never be easy after this. It might even be more difficult and complicated and for sure there would be more fights and anger to try making it works; he could imagine how the frown between Jong Kook’s forehead deepened, his fists tightened until his knuckles go white, and Kwang Soo himself would be yelling and shouting at all direction and storming off. They would reconcile though, after cooling down and regretting their actions and there would be hugs and kisses and promises that wouldn’t break—fulfilling, as they would say; comfortable, as they would feel—and honestly he was thrilled and couldn’t wait for it to happen.

 

 

Because then it would prove that Jong Kook wanted this—wanted them together— and would fight to keep it.

 

 

Besides, storms are kind of their thing.

 

 

Their PR teams would be busier than ever, and their managers would either freak out or concern or both. There would be more training on how to act in public, and how to hide from the media. There would be so much to do.

 

 

And to be honest they could care less about what others think; as long as their friends would be by their side. For sure their friends would be happy for them; there would be many teasing though, but it would be all in good-natured (and the fact there was like an unspoken rule that couples between their circle of friends would not get away without being tease to death, figuratively) and later on they would be shower in unconditional supports and loves.

 

 

Many of them would have scoffed and said “About time,” before exchanging money bets.

 

 

Kwang Soo chuckled softly at the thought, and he dropped his own head over Jong Kook’s gently and let his hyung’s soft snore lulled him to sleep.

 

 

The airplane flew among the countless white clouds and endless blue sky towards the unknown but promising future.

 

 

 

 

-

**Say you’ll never let me go**

 

**...**

 

**Say you’ll never let me go**

-

 

 

 

end

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
